PTCV08
By jwalder | October 8, 2008
Well I’m supposed to be writing an assignment that’s due tomorrow so it seems like a great time to post.
For a while now I’ve been looking for some good music to study to and have been coming up short. My favourite artist is Ben Folds, but his songs are little to lyrical to make good study music. But I recently stumbled across Crazy Penis who, apart from having an awesome name, make decent electro music. Lately I’ve had them playing in the background and I seem to get so much more work done.
Anyway, after that horribly mundane post I have other news. I got a scholarship a few days ago that I really didn’t expect to get and I’m looking to put some money away for a holiday next year sometime. Any ideas on good destinations?
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Yet another post. Wow.
By jwalder | October 1, 2008
I thought I’d continue my spree of posts and this time tell you a story about the most annoying customer I’ve ever had the pleasure of serving at safeway.
This lady stopped me halfway through scanning her groceries one day to comment on how brand X of oil had changed the shape of the bottle so that it looked smaller. She then asked me to check that the bottle was in fact two litres and that the company wasn’t ripping her off. I then asked (very politely) how she expected me to do that from the confines of my checkout. She looked at me like I’d told her her head was on fire and said these exact words “Well weigh it, you idiot”.
Now I don’t know about everyone else in this group, but the first lesson of science that I remember learning in primary school was about the density of oil. And that if you take the same volumes of oil and water, since oil is less dense it will weigh less.
Now I think at this point I was in shock, so just to see what would happen I put the oil on my scales, all the while looking around for the hidden cameras. It came up short, what a surprise. Now the lady wants to know if she’ll get it for free since it’s obviously false advertising on Safeway’s part (WTF?). Now here’s where I made my big mistake, trying to teach a forty-something housewife basic chemistry…
I’m a science student, so I deal with numbers and calculations all the time. But even with all my experience, I was unable to get the idea that two litres of oil should not weigh two kilograms into this ladies head. “Well obviously it would weigh two kilos” she said, “that’s how a litre is defined…” This went on for a good two minutes.
I like to think that at some point in this conversation this lady realised she was wrong (nobody can be that stupid right?) and was simply arguing to save her dignity. I mean at some point the guy behind her in the line even backed me up. Thank god for that guy. Not that he helped the issue at all.
Eventually the lady insisted on talking to a supervisor about the issue, becasue I “obviously” didn’t know about the laws relating to advertising in this country. So I called over a manager who was walking past and he listened to the lady’s story. I was hoping the manager would tell this lady to piss off and go bother somebody else with her ignorance. Instead he gave her the oil for free…….
Anyway the moral of this story is that the customer is always right. Even when they are horribly horribly wrong.
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Random post
By jwalder | September 26, 2008
Ok, I know that this is out of the blue and that I haven’t posted in so long that you’ve all given up checking for updates. But I’m home alone and have nobody to whine too, and if you listen now I promise I’ll post more later. OK?
Random Musing Number 1.
Is there any greater hate in this world than that that you feel towards a person who is dating a girl/guy that you have a crush on? It’s only happened to me twice (once was today as you’ve probably guessed) but both times I felt a hatred towards the guy that I’ve never felt towards anybody. I know we all have to be polite when we see an ex (or just somebody you have a crush on) with somebody else, following societies norms and what not, but does anybody else feel this way or is it just me?
Really, it makes sense in an evolutionary sense. Love/lust/like (it’s all the same thing really) is just chemicals running through the brain, with the end purpose of reproduction. If another guy gets in the way of that then other chemicals (rage, envy) are activated to refacilitate the reproduction. We are all animals deep down.
Anyway, I think I’m over this outburst now, but then again I thought I was over that girl and look where that went. But there’s a new girl now (with the same name coincidently) and I’m still making up my mind about her. So I’ll keep you posted. Hopefully….
P.S Sorry if this post seems disjointed, I realised it doesn’t flow all that well. But I’m getting back into the swing of it.
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The times
By jwalder | July 6, 2008
Well it’s one week into my Uni break and I really feel like I owe you all a post or two. It’s been nice not having any Uni to worry about and I’ve had a chance to catch up on my movie watching/downloading. I’ve been keeping reasonably busy, cleaning going into the city, things like that. Our landlord is coming to check out the place on Tuesday, so I’m making sure the house is respectable. And I’ve had someone to hang with every night so far, so I’m still following the doctor’s orders there.
On the depression front, I mentioned in a previous post that I was still feeling shit and I was just going to wait it out until exams were over and then go and see a doctor. Well exams are over and I must say, waiting it out might not have been such a bad idea. I feel better, much better. Getting through the day is no longer a hassle, I enjoy being with friends and doing things that I like. I dunno what I did, but I think I’m ook for the time being. Depression is a fucked up illness and almost nobody who has it only experiences it once in their lives, but I now know that I’ve ridden it out once, and I’ll be able to do it again.
As for this blog, it was originally just a way for me to record my day to day feelings and convey my thoughts to somebody other than myself. But I think I’m gunna keep it going, just for the sake of it. I’ll definitely keep you up to date on the mental illness front, but I’ll probably focus more on things I’m really interested, maybe give you an angry rant every now and again. I really don’t want this to turn into a list of things I did during the week, that’s not what I want, and I don’t think it’s what anybody really wants.
So, keep your fingers crossed and eyes open for regular posts. I ‘ll try my best.
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Scheduled programming
By jwalder | June 22, 2008
Well, after that slight detour, I’m back to posting as normal. Now for some news. I recognised two contestant on Wheel of Fortune the other day, so I’m fairly certain I didn’t get on since they were both in the same audition that I was. But I don’t mind, I know I’m smart enough to get on, I just lack the necessary charisma. I really thought I’d be able to pretend to be excited when I got to the interview stage, I mean every second day I pretend to be happier than I really am. But when I got there I did pretty badly and didn’t really expect to get on after my dismal effort. Maybe next time!
Anyway, today’s been a pretty good day. I achieved heaps after getting up nice and early. Two more exams to go, and I’m pretty confident about them both. I had one last Friday and I’m really happy with how it went.
Sorry about the lack of material as of late, but life has been pretty boring and uneventful for the last few weeks. After my exams (and the following celebrations) I should have a bit more to post on.
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For the sake of not studying.
By jwalder | June 16, 2008
Well I guess even though I’m not taking any actions for a while now I should keep writing here. It might even be benificial. Besides, I’ve got a very small readership now and I kind of owe it to you guys I think. At least this post means I’m not dead or anything like that.
A small bit of very morbid trivia for you. I read today that the profession with the highest rate of suicide is vet surgeon. Wierd hey? But when you think about it they are usually very isolated from others through their profession, they have ready access to any drugs they desire and they can’t have any qualms about euthinasia or they couldn’t be a vet.
Anyways, I’m feeling like today is going to be a shit day. I woke up late (always bad), I’m grumpy, and I have to work this afternoon. probably a 4/10. I’ll check in later to let you know I haven’t killed anybody or anything.
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Uncertainty
By jwalder | June 11, 2008
Alright look. I know that I promised you a decision, but I still still don’t have one so stop looking at me like that. I thought that instead I’d try and explain why I’m taking so long.
The deal goes somewhat like this. When I went to see the GP for the very first time, we wrote out a “mental health plan” which basically had my symptoms listed along with which symptoms I wanted to alleviate the most. At the time the symptom I most wanted to lose was “lack of interest and motivation”. This basically applied to Uni work but to a degree it also applied to life in general. Other symptoms I had at the time were things like not being able to get out of bed, feeling sad for no reason, and thoughts of death.
Now, the GP never scheduled me for another appointment but he did give my name to the clinic’s mental health nurse and said that I was to call her within a week if she didn’t ring me first. But you see at this time I’d already made an appointment with the somewhat exclusive counseling service at UniMelb. So when the clinic’s mental health nurse didn’t ring I figured that she’d probably tell me the same sort of stuff as the counselor and didn’t bother ringing her back. Instead I went to the UniMelb service three times and if you’re a regular reader then you’ll know how that turned out and where I am now.
Anyhow I’m somewhat glad to say that that “lack of motivation” has pretty much been solved. I got every assignment in on time this semester (much better than my last semester I must say) and feel better about organising my general day to day life. The rest of the symptoms seem to be where the problem lies, as I mentioned in a previous post. The getting out of bed thing is sort of helped by the gain in motivation. But the sad days still persist, along with the negative thoughts plus a host of other stuff (The three symptoms i mention here don’t begin to cover everything, they’re just examples).
So I guess my problem is this. If I go back to the GP and start talking about antidepressants (which is where I’m leaning towards at the moment) he’ll either mention what good progress I’ve made in treating the symptom that I most wanted too (motivation) and say that I probably don’t need them or he’ll know that I didn’t go and see the mental health nurse like he told me too and I’ll lokk like an addict simply sniffing for drugs.
And yes, I realise that he’s a professional and he’ll never judge and he’s there to help, yada yada….But It’s exam period at the moment and my mind seems to be in about six different places at once and I’m really not thinking straight at the moment. Perhaps once exams are over I’ll start thinking like an adult and just go see the damn doctor. But at the moment I’m just fed up with dealing with this whole fucking thing and I’m going to ignore it for a while. That’s healthy, right?
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Withdrawl
By jwalder | June 6, 2008
Well, I’m back and ready to post. We’ve been without internet since last Friday, hence the lack of new material. You really don’t realise how much you rely on the internet until it’s gone. I got sad when I thought about not being able to surf and something as simple as finding the phone number for our ISP became incredibly difficult. And to top it all off, our phone runs through the internet line (VOIP for all you tech-savvy readers) so no internet equals no phone equals using phone box across the street. I almost died…
This is just a news post to catch up on the week that I missed, there’ll be another, more serious post later tonight i expect. Two things worth mentioning I guess. Last Friday I went to the Melbourne Good Food and Wine show with Miss M where we proceeded to stuff ourselves silly with the aforementioned good food and wine. It was a good night out and it always makes me feel better to spend time with a friend like her.
In other news, I went to an audition for the new Wheel of Fortune that’s recently hit channel 9. It was really interesting to see how it all works, and what’s even cooler is that I made it to the final round of interviews. Now all I can do is wait and see if they call me back. There were about forty of us in the final round and they estimated that fifteen would get through. I like those odds, especially when you consider that there were around 300 people in the theatre to begin with. The call’s supposed to come within the next month and don’t worry internet, you’ll be the first to know.
Anyway, I have a bunch of errands to run today, and then I’m off to a trivia night with some old friends from college. Should be good fun.
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Check all perceptions at the door
By jwalder | May 28, 2008
I went to see the new Indiana Jones film last night, and I guess I’m going to tell you about it. This me reviewing movies thing isn’t going to be a regular thing, I just have nothing else to write about today.
When I first heard about the new Indiana Jones I was skeptical, just like everybody else. My mind immediately raced to the concepts of money grabbing and cash cows. But then I thought, to myself “No, Speilberg isn’t like that, I mean sure he likes the cash, but more than that he loves to entertain his audience”
And I can tell you that it was thoroughly entertaining. I gauge the entertainment-ness of a movie by the number of times I look at my watch throughout. A big fat zero. I think the last time that happened was while watching Transformers, a movie with similar flaws to this one. But I’ll get to that.
The special effects were exquisite, but I’m not giving them extra points for that, since I would have been disappointed with anything less. It was Spielberg AND Lucas for crying out loud. In fact, I did feel that the special effects were overdone is some parts (a common mistake made by some modern films). I mean a scene at the beginning of the film had CGI prairie dogs….that’s right, prairie dogs. Nothing to do with the film whatsoever, but I guess they had to give the work experience kid something to do with his time.
The acting was what actually surprised me the most, it was really quite good. Ford slipped right back into the arrogant archaeologist just as i thought he would. And I barely even picked Cate Blanchett as the villan, good to see her slipping back into something more mainstream. Shia is slowly growing on me and I think after a few more blockbusters I might even be able to like him. However, some of the characters seemed somewhat forced The twists and turns undertaken by Indy’s friend Mac were predictable and really uneccessary. The acting of Karen Allen was just as wooden as is was in 1981and it seemed that the only purpose of her character was to tie other characters together.
Now to my major gripe, the unbelievability of the whole thing. I’ll start by saying that I have a huge tolerance for this this sort of thing, especially in action/adventure movies. But Indy seemed to go one step to far, and then it just kept on running. Things like random main characters being able to fight, Indy figuring out every puzzle, even the odd deus ex machina, I’m fine with all of that, because a) It’s entertaining and b) It’s necessary to the story. Now I don’t want to spoil the movie for anyone, but if you have seen it then just think refrigerators and monkeys, how unecessary and ridiculous were they? Not to mention the rest…..
All in all the film delivered exactly the kind of entertainment I was looking for, but fell kind of flat after one too many “unbelievable” moments. I’m giving it a 7/10.
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Why I’m not going back to counseling
By jwalder | May 25, 2008
Well I guess the title sort of say it all. I’m probably not going back.I’ll admit my first session with her was really helpful, we spoke for about an hour about what had been happening in my life over the last six months (and earlier) and I found it really helpful in the sense that I had some idea of what might have caused this. I’m still not sure of a definite cause (and probably never will be) but I felt that little bit more in control, which is what I wanted at a point in my life when a whole lot of my control seemed to be slipping away. Another thing the counselor helped me with was coming to the realisation that all of this isn’t my fault. I think on the surface I knew this, but subconsciously I was blaming myself for the way that I felt. Wrong I know, but the human mind is wrong more often than not I think…
But, if you take a look at previous posts you’ll see that for all the good she was doing I didn’t feel that she was making me better. Maybe that form of treatment just wasn’t for me. Maybe there is no form of treatment right for me. Or maybe I’m an idiot who enjoys blocking out people who are honestly trying to help him. Who knows?
I spoke earlier abut anti-depressants and how I was probably going to look into CBT alongside them. Well I brought up the name CBT in my counseling session last Tuesday. It turns out, my cunning counselor had been using aspects of the CBT on me all along, without me even knowing. Apparently some aspects of the therapy weren’t right for me, which I trust her opinion on.
But where now? I had high hopes of this CBT in conjunction with drugs. But now it looks like just drugs. Which really isn’t what I want to do. I need to make a decision on this. It’s had me so distracted for the last few days. I can go back to a GP and try and convince him I need drugs without sounding like a junkie, or…..what? I can just last it out? I’ve exhausted everything else. And at the moment I’m just to burnt out to find anything new. ANyway, My mind seems like it’s in a thousand places at once today, so I’m sorry if that point was somewhat disjointed.
I went to see the new Indiana Jones movie on Thursday, so I’m going to have my first shot at writing a movie review soonish. Keep an eye out. And I’ll let you know when I make a decision of some sort about my next step. Goodnight internet.
Topics: Depression | 3 Comments »